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If you haven’t heard, Mark Driscoll and his wife have come out with another book entitled Real Marriage*. If you haven’t heard about it yet, then turn on the TV and you will probably see them.

The book is getting a lot of press because of the graphic questions answered in Chapter 10 entitled, “Can we _______?” These topics will obviously not be discussed here, but you can easily find ones that did by a short Google search. Yet…

As a pastor, I’m going to be cleaning up this “Real Marriage” mess. Here’s why in a simply scenario…

1. Male Christian college student reads book including chapter 10
2. College student smiles and says to himself, “I can’t wait to get married!”
3. Man graduates from college and meets Christian girlfriend
4. Couple gets married
5. Husband expects wife to do all that is in Real Marriage chapter 10 that is “okay,” or at least try it
6. Results:
   1. Wife says no, is greatly offended
      1. Husband is then forced to use the classic “the Bible says it is okay” to persuade wife
   2. Wife agrees and feels guilty, dirty and gross. This will lead to a life of accepting this as a new normal, while husband fist bumps his buddies.
   3. Wife did not see this coming and gets out of marriage because she is fearful of what this will lead to in the future.
   4. Couple winds up in my office getting marriage counseling.

I would rather this not happen to a Christian couple. It will hurt marriage rather than be a “real marriage.” Please stop the shenanigans to sell books. The Gospel of Christ is worth more. Please don’t sleep on the roof of the church to sell books on sex. Please don’t write antinomian books about sex in Christian marriage. Who cares about the money, it’s not worth the marriage counseling we will need to fix this in the years to come. Christ is enough. His Word is enough. In the meantime, I’ll be preparing for the flood of counselees in the coming years if nothing changes.

Husbands, love your wives.

_______________________________________

*In full disclosure, I have not read the book and do not plan to. I did pick it up in a LifeWay and begin to read chapter 10. I wanted to at least try it before I knocked it. I could not get that far. I felt icky and put it down after about a page. Didn’t even get to the “good parts”

• You are doing nothing
• You are following a dream
• You are pursuing a calling

Here’s what that means:

If you are doing nothing you have no direction. You do not know what to do or where to go. You do not know your gifts or passions. You are simply: surviving.

If you are following a dream, you are pursing something in you are not attached to. It is an idea that someone gave you or something you have been pushed into. It may be your own dream or it may be someone else’s dream. Basically, a dream is usually something you made up – it’s man-made. Pursuing a dream may mean that you have no purpose or have no idea how to do what your dream requires.

If you are pursuing a calling it is something you were born to do. It fulfills your deepest desires and passions. It compliments your gifts and talents. Most importantly, it is something that GOD has told you to do – He is the one who has called you.

Throughout Scripture, we see the last category as the most important. I believe (and I believe Scripture proves [see 1 Corinthians 12 for example]) that God places a calling upon every person. Your calling may be to become a teacher, or a nurse, or a pastor. or an accountant, or heaven forbid a IRS employee (just kidding! I love IRS employees).

The biggest road block to pursuing your calling in my opinion: fear of the unknown. You do not know the future – trust the One who does. You may have bumps in the road or challenges – believe in the One who has all power.

So… are you pursuing your God-given calling?

Or…

Have you given upon your calling?
Are you running from your calling?
Are you mad at God for your calling?
Will you endure to fulfill your calling?
Are you doubting your calling?
If you are not pursuing your calling, what will you do to change this? Life is short – don’t waste it!
Basically, is there joy in your life?

If there is not, it may be that you are not pursuing the calling God has placed on your life. When you follow God, He gives you joy! Your calling will be challenged. Don’t give up. Don’t stop believing (cue Journey). God has called you. He has gifted you. Don’t give up on Him or your calling.

So are you? Will you?

His resume:

• No experience at all in the field he is applying for
• Education is probably not up to par
• Dysfunctional relationship with previous boss (the job he is applying for)
• Loyal to friends
• Not afraid to do the right thing and make tough decisions
• Many times he goes against the crowd and conventional wisdom
• A devout Christian
• Little or no experience working with a team
• 30 years old
• Grew up in a modest family
• Has a young family
• Musician

The person you may not hire is King David of the Bible.

David was thirty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned forty years. (2 Samuel 5:4 KJV)

The key to David success is that he followed God. The key to Israel’s success during that time is that they followed the man God anointed to lead. God’s people listened to God, trusted God and followed God’s man. If you know God has ordained someone to lead, then please let them lead. Follow them as they follow God. It is the way to success. This is the way that the Christian family should be set up. This is the way the church should be set up. As leaders, we are to allow God to lead through us. As followers, we follow God’s lead through His appointed leader. The Israelites did, and they saw success. Hopefully we will too.

Then the Spirit took control of Amasai, chief of the Thirty, [and he said]: [We are] yours, David, [we are] with you, son of Jesse! Peace, peace to you, and peace to him who helps you, for your God helps you. So David received them and made them leaders of his troops. -2 Chronicles 12:18 (HCSB)

Reblogged from Seriously Underpaid:

I dare say that there is not a thing in this world that irritates me more than a nice piping hot cup of coffee turned cold. Yet, this seems to happen to me every morning. My intentions are good. I get up. (that’s step 1 and quite a feat in and of itself) I go downstairs. I get a cup from the cabinet. I pour in the coffee. I settle in to a chair with my journal, a devotional, a Bible and a pen. And apparently, the clicking of the pen is code for “Alrighty! Everyone in the house come alive and vie for …

A pastor should not complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God; and if this be the case, let him thank God for leading him into this predicament. But if not, let him nevertheless guard against ever becoming an accuser of the congregation before God. Let him rather accuse himself for his unbelief. Let him pray God for an understanding of his own failure an his particular sin, and pray that he may not wrong his brethren. Let him, in the consciousness of his own guilt, make intercession for his brethren. Let him do what he is committed to do, and thank God.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together, pg. 29-30

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Last night my two-year old daughter woke up screaming. I mean blood curdling. My wife came in to find her standing on her bed complaining about insects and monsters who have chased her. She was having a nightmare.

1. I can’t see Satan
   If I can’t see Satan, then I am unaware of where he is or what he is doing. This troubles me. I don’t know who or what he is using. I don’t know where he is. This increases his sneaky-ness factor and makes him feel even creepier.
2. I can’t touch Satan
   This troubles me because I want to punch him. Seriously. I’m pretty sure if he was a man, I would take a swing. It doesn’t matter how physically strong you are, you can’t take him down. I’m not going to lie, this upsets me greatly. Last night, if it was him and he was messing with my girl, I would have throat-punched him.
3. Satan doesn’t play fair
   Satan does what he wants and only desires evil. That is his will. He wants to hurt. He wants to steal. He wants to kill. He wants to destroy (John 10:10). When he does this, he doesn’t play fair. He doesn’t act in love like believers. He doesn’t think about what’s best. He does what he wants to do and does not care about the well-being of others.

What are we supposed to do then? How do we fight this evil? There are more detailed answers, but I think it basically boils down to James 4:7, “Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.” It really is that simple. We may not see him. We may not be able to touch him. He may not play fair, but we can always resist him. God is all-powerful. This means that no one is more powerful than Him. If you are a believer, then this God is on your side! If we ”draw near to God…He will draw near to you (James 4:8a).” God is close! He wants what’s best for us. He is righteous. He is good. Let’s trust a sovereign, all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God who loves us and wants what’s best for us! Submit and draw near to God and resist the Devil. That’s how we win!

What do you think?

Ten years ago today I married my best friend, Michelle Stohler. I was nervous, but excited!

I didn’t know what would happen in our future. I didn’t know that we would have two of the most beautiful, smart, amazing children in ten years. I didn’t know that we would have three grad and post-grad degrees between us. I didn’t know that we would move nine times in ten years. I didn’t know I would have three different jobs in ten years. I didn’t know that we would see Lion King on Broadway, eat a cream pie in Boston, or dine at Commander’s Palace in New Orleans. I didn’t know that we would go through the death of three of our grandparents. I didn’t know I would be bald this fast and she would just go along with it.

What I did know ten years ago: I was about to marry the woman of my dreams. I did know that she was (and still is) my best friend and most importantly, the person God had created for me to spend the rest of my life with. I did know she was and would continue to be a woman of God. I did know that she would be an amazing, Godly mother and wife. I did know that she would continually get more and more beautiful, both inside and out. I did know that she would love me back, despite my ugly flaws and glorious failures. I did know she would be faithful, loving, caring, nurturing, Godly, intelligent, and constantly growing in grace and faith. The verse I quoted when I asked her to marry me, is still true today (and always will be), “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you (Song of Solomon 4:7).”

I truly do not deserve Michelle Stohler. I am thankful to God for putting us together and cannot wait for the next several decades together. I love you Michelle with everything that I am!

P.S. You still deserve better!

Some of my favorite things from 2011:

• Favorite book: Seeing The Unseen by T.W. Hunt
• Favorite albums: Matt Redman/10,000 Reasons and The Civil Wars/Barton Hollow
• Favorite song: Hillsong Live/Alive In Us
• Favorite movie: The Muppets
• Favorite Twitter follows: Fake J.D. Greear, Church Curmudgeon, Not Kenny Rodgers
• Favorite Blog: Church Mag
• Favorite Website: Mashable
• Favorite Gadget: Amazon Kindle (I have the Keyboard 3G)
• Favorite iPhone apps: Tweetbot, Instagram, Flipboard
• Favorite Wii game: Lego Star Wars
• Favorite TV Show: Parks and Recreation
• Favorite restaurant I visited: Coyote Bluff Cafe in Amarillo, TX
• Favorite drink: Starbucks Caramel Brûlée Latte

What are some of your favorites for 2011?

My in-laws have an old dog. Well, before I get to deep in, let me interject a “bless his heart.” Their Dog’s name is Shadow. Bless his heart, Shadow is getting old. Old, old. He really cannot hear or see very much. You have to herd him out to go to the restroom. You have to tell him the door is open. He wanders around the house aimlessly on a path he has made. He probably does not know where he is going. Yet, he is a sweet, sweet little guy that we all love!

Do you ever feel like that? I do.

Have you ever felt like you were wandering around aimlessly? Ever feel like you do not know where you are going? Are you just waiting for God to open a door? Do you feel like you are locked in to the same path which seems to just keep circling? You are waiting for God to do something, but hasn’t yet.

What do you do then? The answer is simple but it’s not the one I want. The answer is…

Wait.

Who wants to hear that? I’m ready for God to open the door NOW. I want to stop the wandering NOW. I want answers NOW. Yet, God does not work on our timetable. The Bible says His ways are above our ways, His thoughts above our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Sometimes we have to wait to stay in His will.

Yet, many times waiting feels like punishment. Impatience leads you there. Faithlessness as well. Waiting is directly tied with faith. While we wait, we trust – we believe. Do you truly believe God has His best in store for you? Then trust Him and wait! Do you believe that God is going to open a door for you in His time? Then trust Him and wait!

Learn in the waiting. Grow during the waiting. Don’t, please don’t, waste your waiting. Let it draw you closer God. Allow your faith in God to grow stronger as you wait. It’s worth it.

I’m trying my best to learn this right now…

• I waited patiently for the Lord, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help. (Psalm 40:1 HCSB)
• Now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. (Psalm 39:7 HCSB)
• Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 HCSB)
• The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the Lord. (Lamentations 3:25, 26 HCSB)
• But I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. (Micah 7:7 HCSB)

I am reading Kingdom Ethics and was flipped around when the authors reminded me the true test of loyalty is persecution.

That truth stuck with me. Isn’t this so true? How far will you go for someone? You will find out when the tough times come. We see this in marriages, jobs, churches and especially in our relationship with Christ. Maybe this is why North American Christianity is seen as so watered down – no persecution, no test of loyalty. It’s easy to follow Jesus when there are no consequences. Today we can squeeze in Sunday worship and make it to the pro football game stadium by the time the game starts. We can get to Awanas on Wednesday and also hit up two baseball games, a soccer game, and ballet. We are good at blending in or just getting by. Yet, Jesus reminds us in the Sermon on the Mount:

Before you think I’m knocking freedom, I’m not. I’m proud to live in a free country with religious freedom that was paid for with the lives of men and women. I do not take it for granted. Actually, I think it is more insulting to those men and women to take for granted our Christian lives and play it safe in our walk with Christ – abusing this freedom. Just because we are free does not mean the Christian life is easy.Those who are persecuted for righteousness are blessed, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs. You are blessed when they insult and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of Me. Be glad and rejoice, because your reward is great in heaven. For that is how they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:10-12 HCSB)

Here’s the big problem: we’re not living dangerous Christian lives. No, I do not mean we carry around a .44 Magnum and call people “punks” or drop kick someone. What I mean is, do we put ourselves out there as devoted followers of Christ that are LITERALLY willing to take a bullet for Him if it comes to it? As Jesus points out, the more righteous we are, the more persecution we will endure. Does it not make perfect sense? That would set us up as a direct enemy to our secular humanistic godless culture.

Maybe we do not “handle persecution well.” Or maybe it makes us uncomfortable to “stand up for Truth.” Has there been a test of your loyalty to Christ? How did you do? If persecution were to come today, how would you do? What are you willing to endure for the sake of Christ? How loyal are you?